10. Gazing at the Bride

I have a confession. Even though I have been married for 19 years, I’m in love with another’s bride. She’s beautiful, powerful, inspiring, she makes my heart leap, the very idea of what she might become thrills me. I might want to shape her, guide her, want her to fall in love with me too, but alas she is betrothed to another. I may want to provide for her, comfort and protect her, but I know the one who has her heart is infinitely more wise, strong, capable and loving than I am, even on a good day (and I can have some really good days, honest).

I want to share my wisdom with her, but I know that when she pauses to think, when she listens hard, when she gives attention to her own thoughts, and those of her lover, she comes to a place of more wisdom that I could ever imagine.

Sometimes she confuses me though. Sometimes, she seems to want to stop listening, or appears to have forgotten that she is so good at it, and sometimes she wants others to do this thinking and listening for her.

I can see how she might be tempted this way: it looks less risky; there are structures built up so she can take on board other folks’ ideas without having to think for herself; sometimes she gets really busy, so doesn’t seem to have time; sometimes she forgets that the way she listens is one of the things that is most lovely about her; sometimes she loses confidence, imagining somehow that things like size, wealth, experience or age disqualify her from hearing properly.

This bride is sensational. And when she joins with others I realise that there are hundreds, even thousands of them. The strangest thing is, when they gather, all I can see is one beautiful bride. And when they are together, they have the potential to listen, decide and act with such unity, that it amazes me they don’t do it more often. I mean, they meet, but they don’t seek to hear. They talk and sing together, making beautiful music that draws others to them, and they do their best to love and to care for those around them, but they could be doing so much more. They love to share stories of the good things they have done, and they hope that will please their lover, but so often they seldom pause to hear the words of approval, correction, encouragement or love.

So what can I do? I’m hopelessly in love with her, but she frustrates and confuses me. She’s not meant to be mine (but in a strange way I know I’m meant to be hers). I just wish, in those times when she is big and the times she is small, in the times she is rich, and the times she is poor, in the times when she’s popular, and in the times when she has to go outside of the city, to be with the one who is exiled there, that she would trust herself to listen to the voice of her lover, and the sound of her own heart, and discern the way. There are many who want to control her, limit her, guide her and use her to further their own agenda, but the one she loves is gentle, releases her into life, holds her in a close embrace for all that her future holds.

So, I’ll pray for her. That this bride will have the wisdom to know what to stop, and what to start, what to hold onto and what to let go of. That she’ll have courage. That she’ll have keen hearing. That the voice of her lover will keep drawing her on. That all she’s experienced in these many years past will focus her for the eternal future. 

---------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Somerville is minister of Tabernacle Baptist Church Wolverhampton, a large and diverse inner-city church. He is interested in creating and exploring emerging patterns of worship and community, church planting, reading Douglas Coupland, and is currently listening to KLF's White Room album.

Jonathan left Pentecostal ministry 11 years ago because he fell in love with the Baptist understanding of the Church Meeting. He's since been trying to make the dream a reality.